Exercising is literally a pain in the bum. That’s where this inventive new brand seemingly purpose-built for Sydney comes in. Exercise gear with sweat stains already built in.
“A little under the arms goes a long way,” says brand marketing head Glenda Burgess. “I can walk down the street breathing heavily and everyone thinks I’ve been for a run. It’s perfect’, says Glenda. “Why exercise when everyone thinks you’ve exercised? It’s futile.”
We caught up with Glenda and her girlfriends at a local café as they enjoyed coffee and cake after a faux work out.
It’s called Faux Sportswear and it’s the brainchild of ill-fated 80s clothing label Hyper Colour founder Pierre Pierre. Those of us old enough will remember the t-shirts that would react to an wearer’s body heat resulting in unsightly underarm sweat stains.
This was of course in the days before market research.
It’s been a journey of self-discovery for Pierre, a fashionista deemed a genius of his time.
Let me take you back, to an era before wifi, smartphones, even Gameboys. The technology behind a t-shirt that responded to one’s body heat was up there with putting man (or woman) on the moon. It was beyond cutting edge.
Then the horrible realisation swept the world that the only thing Hypercolour T-shirts highlighted was sweat stains.
Pierre spiralled into a rosé fuelled depression. Made particularly difficult as most bottles of rosé contains a mere 7% alcohol.
“I was returning to the bottle shop six sometimes eleven times a day. But I am who I am. I love rosé.”
Eventually Pierre sought spiritual leadership from a Swami based in Upper India, Swami ‘Robbo’. There his guru taught him to indeed believe in himself and realise his true potential.
“He’d have me chant ‘You are the pits’, over and over. It hurt. For months my self hatred spiralled almost out of control. But in the end I realised what he was trying to say: I am the pits.”
Swarmi Robbo told me ‘what broke me is what will make me’. “Then I realised: sweat stains are the new cool.”
Cut to the year 2018. Some 40 years later. Times have changed. We living in a ‘faux world’ a time-poor world, a world driven by image finds the genius of ‘Faux Sport’ right in our wheelhouse.
For example research indicates that 87% of people who wear Active Wear do not, have not, and do not intend to exercise.
Perfect for a new T-shirt that does the exercise for you.
Watch this space.
