Three Men Are Robbing Australians Blind  

Supermarket giant Coles is understood to be introducing new technology to reduce its estimated annual $1.1 billion theft debt by reducing stealing at self-serve checkouts.

The technology has been invented by three young Australian men that have been labelled ‘The Bastards’ as they are set to rob average Aussie battlers of millions.

Retail sources have told the Surry Hills Times that Coles is looking at machine scanners that can more cleverly identify specific fruit and vegetables by a combination of weight and image recognition. 

“It can tell the difference between a vine ripened tomato and a truss tomato, even when I rip it off the vine?” said an incredulous woman. “That’s terrible.” 

Will the Australian birthright and ubiquitous practice of ripping off supermarket giants soon become a thing of the past?

“It can tell the difference between a Fuji and a Delicious apple?” said an incredulous mother of three. “Do these arseholes realise what they’ve done?” 

Supermarket theft is compounded by the ease at which self-serve machines allowed shoppers to pass off more expensive fruit, vegetables and bakery products as cheaper products. 

The young entrepreneurs have a start-up with cameras that can recognise and distinguish between groceries at self checkout at Coles and Woolworths. 

For example self checkouts will soon be able to tell the difference between an avocado and a grape. 

“This is a nightmare,” said Phillip Williams, 53. “My family relies on me ripping off the self-checkout blind. Punching the price per kilo of a watermelon when I’m actually buying mangoes. Derr.”

“I won’t be able to make ends meet” said pensioner Judy Jones. 

“Back to noodles for me,” said fine arts student Max, 23. 

The three Australian entrepreneurs have been subjected to death threats. 

“Dickheads” said Judy. “Why would they ruin it for us? What have we done to them?” 

The men are now said to be in hiding.  

If you know of the mens’ whereabouts please contact the Surry Hills Times.