Yet another cooked onion related tragedy has occurred in Surry Hills today with a local man Mark Glanville, 45 slipping on the “devil’s vegetable” on Bourke Street today.
Paramedics were called at approximately 2pm, but after a concerted effort to revive the man, he was pronounced dead shortly afterwards due to onion-related blood loss.
In response, the council has made caution signs compulsory wherever onions are likely to be eaten or sold.
Clover Moore immediately commissioned 150,000 ‘Caution Onions’ slippage warning boards to be placed wherever onions are likely to be eaten or sold in Sydney City extending to Sydney’s East.
Local plumber Jake said, “I had no idea how dangerous onions were. I kind of feel silly for not realising it and I’m just thankful I’ve survived barbeques over the years without slipping on onions. Obviously I’ve fallen over on the piss many times but that’s a separate issue.”
Chair of “Safe Sydney”, an advocacy group for safe onion-free spaces, Penny Newton said, “Onions are a danger to the community. They always have been. It’s only now that we’re finally speaking out about it. I congratulate Bunnings for having the temerity to address this crucial topic. Onions have had it too good for too long.”
Many people on Sydney streets today congratulated Clover Moore for her swift and decisive action in creating ‘Caution Onion’ signs to be used throughout Sydney’s East.
Tony Abbott was asked for comment but was eating a whole raw onion at the time.
